Navigating Situationships: Recognizing Emotional Abuse and Setting Boundaries
By Megan Dunlap
In today’s world, dating has become more casual. Many younger people describe their relationships more informally and flexibly, often referring to them as “situationships,” a popular term among high school and college-age students.
A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship between two individuals. Usually, there are no “typical” labels between the individuals, but one person is usually more invested. While it can be casual and informal, there should be clear boundaries and understanding between the two parties. Gen Z has normalized this terminology through social media, particularly on TikTok. Situationships can involve all the things a labeled relationship may have, including potential abuse.
The kinds of abuse that exist in situationships can vary. It can show up most in the form of emotional abuse.
Let’s talk about some red flags to look out for if you suspect your situationship has become emotionally abusive.
- Jealousy. Your partner in your situationship consistently demands to know who you are with, criticizing your other close relationships like friends or family. They may watch your social media to see who you are with and flood your messages when not with them. This is often followed by silence once you give in to their messages.
- Gaslighting. When you question them on past behaviors or conversations, they make you second-guess yourself and your lived experience. Criticizing your actions can also be a form of gaslighting.
- Boundaries. While your situationship may have no clear labels, there should still be steady boundaries to avoid emotional and other abuse. These boundaries usually protect each other’s feelings and safety, but a partner who is abusive may cross those boundaries which can
Many college-age students are far from settling down and may decide that situationships are the best route. However, situationships should still focus on healthy foundations with trust, respect, and clear boundaries.
Looking deeper into your partnership, you realize these red flags are present. What do you do?
- Support. Lean into your friendships or family outside this person. They can provide some emotional support while you figure out the next steps.
- Counseling. Many college campuses offer free counseling services for students. Sometimes talking to a neutral party like a counselor can help decide your next step.
- Boundary. While there are no labels, sometimes you might need an escape route. Sometimes, that may mean setting a hard boundary and not seeing each other anymore. This can be incredibly difficult; for some, the boundary is set in a text message and distance from this person. For others explaining the distance and then blocking them for your mental health is an option. While separating, if you feel in danger from this person, contact your local law enforcement or campus police for help.
Navigating this new dating era can be difficult. The most important thing is keeping yourself safe and mentally healthy. If you or someone you know is affected by emotional and/or physical abuse, please reach out for help. If you feel unsafe or need immediate support, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). They will be able to assist you in finding resources in your local community.
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