Part 3: Respect Survivors’ Choices
Things Survivors Wish You Knew Series
By Patrice Tillery
The topic for this portion of the series is arguably one of the most challenging parts of supporting survivors. After actively listening and learning about the trauma and abuse occurring in a survivor’s life, it’s hard not to step in, share our beliefs, or tell the survivor what we believe they should do. But this isn’t always helpful. Survivors live with the circumstances; however they choose to move forward, they deserve to have their decisions respected.
Respecting the choices of survivors is a cornerstone of empowerment and autonomy.
Survivors navigate a complex web of emotions, fears, and considerations, both while actively in an abusive environment and during the aftermath of abuse. Sometimes, silence or staying with an abusive partner is - or feels like - the safest option. Their decision - whether to report the incident, seek professional help, or choose a personal healing path - reflects their unique circumstances and needs. Respecting these choices is essential, as it reaffirms their agency and control over their own lives and counteracts the loss of power experienced during the abusive situation. It also fosters an environment of trust and support, letting survivors know that they are respected and understood regardless of their path on their healing journey. When we acknowledge survivors' choices, we affirm their self-determination, honor their resilience, and recognize that there is no single, correct way to heal or recover from abuse.
Similarly, respecting survivors’ privacy and boundaries is also crucial. Survivors may not feel comfortable discussing details or may need space at times; it is essential to respect these boundaries. Allow them to share at a pace that is comfortable for them. While we can empathize, we must remember that this is their journey, and our role is to support them through it. By offering unconditional support, we empower survivors to reclaim their autonomy and rebuild their lives on their terms, fostering a sense of empowerment and self-confidence crucial for their healing process.
BWJP puts this into practice is through our National Center on Systems Change and Advocacy (NCSCA), which is a center rooted in our unwavering belief in survivors. NCSCA's goal is to ensure that every survivor finds a path to safety and justice that is equitable and empowering. At BWJP, we are steadfast in our dedication to tackling the unintended consequences of laws and overcoming limitations in the justice system.
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