Finding Peace During the Holidays When You Are a Survivor of Sexual Violence
By Christina M. Jones, Esq.
The holidays can be a challenging time, especially for survivors of sexual assault who may feel anxious about encountering their abuser.
Sexual violence often comes from someone familiar, not a stranger. Research indicates that 90% of survivors know the person who harmed them. For many, the holiday season presents the daunting prospect of crossing paths with these individuals at family gatherings, Friendsgivings, or other social events.
If you find yourself in this situation, here are three steps to help you mentally prepare and create a sense of safety during the holidays:
Breathe and Create a Mantra
Your body may respond physically to the thought or sight of your abuser—this is natural. Plan ahead by practicing a breathing technique that calms you. This could be deep belly breaths, inhaling for four counts and exhaling for six, or whatever method feels grounding for you.
Next, arm yourself with a mantra—something simple and empowering to repeat to yourself in stressful moments. Try phrases like, “I am safe” or “I am in control.” Repeating these affirmations can help you stay anchored in the present.
Bring a Trusted Ally
Invite someone you trust to join you at the event. Share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with—whether it’s the full story or simply that you need support to navigate a difficult situation. Having someone there to back you up, redirect conversations, or simply stay by your side can make a huge difference.
Stick with Groups and Avoid Being Alone
If the person who harmed you is unapologetic or attempts to engage—whether through antagonism or unwanted apologies—remaining in a group can offer support and distraction. Stay in shared spaces and avoid being isolated with the person in question. This strategy reduces opportunities for confrontation and helps maintain your emotional safety.
Final Thoughts
This list is not exhaustive and may not fit every survivor’s needs, but it offers a starting point for navigating challenging holiday scenarios. Most importantly, trust your instincts and have a plan. Remember, you always have the choice to skip an event if it feels too overwhelming or unsafe.
Finally, this advice is not a substitute for speaking with a licensed therapist who can provide personalized support.
The holidays can be tough, but you don’t have to face them alone. Prioritize your well-being —physically, emotionally, and mentally—this holiday season. You deserve peace.
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