Loving Out Loud: Navigating Queer Teen Dating Violence Amidst Political Turbulence
By Alyssa Toledo, Communications Associate
I've spent most of my life searching for freedom.
As a queer, Mexican American kid growing up in a turbulent home, I learned early how to survive by making myself small—by hiding, by quieting my voice, by pretending everything was fine. But survival isn't the same as living, and I knew I wanted more.
I found my escape in art, in storytelling, in capturing the world through a camera lens. Filmmaking became my way of making sense of what I had lived through, of exploring love, loss, and the complicated ways we hurt and heal each other. And for a while, that was enough.
But the more I traveled, the more stories I told, the more I saw how deep these cycles ran. Violence doesn't just exist behind closed doors—it's woven into our systems, our institutions, our laws. I started working in the domestic violence field because I knew that storytelling alone wasn't enough—I wanted to be part of real change. And now, in 2025, that work feels more urgent than ever.
This Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we need to have an honest conversation—about what it means to grow up queer in a world that doesn't always want us to exist, about the ways love and control get tangled together, and about how it is becoming harder for LGBTQ+ survivors to find safety.
What Queer Teen Dating Violence Looks Like
Growing up, I never saw my relationships reflected in conversations about dating violence. No one discussed what abuse looks like in LGBTQ+ relationships. No one told me that a partner threatening to "out" me was a form of control, or that invalidating my identity—making me feel unlovable outside of them—was a tactic. I didn't know that love wasn't supposed to feel like a test of endurance.
For queer teens, dating violence often includes:
- Threats of being outed to family, teachers, or employers, which can create deep fear and dependence on an abusive partner. A 2023 study by The Trevor Project found that LGBTQ+ youth who experience dating violence are at four times greater risk of attempting suicide than their peers (The Trevor Project, 2023).
- Using gender or sexual identity as a weapon, with statements like, "You're not really trans," or "You're just confused." This type of emotional manipulation is a common tactic in abusive relationships and contributes to the high rate of emotional abuse among LGBTQ+ youth. According to the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence, 59% of LGBTQIA+ youth reported experiencing emotional abuse in relationships (California Partnership to End Domestic Violence, 2024).
- Controlling access to LGBTQ+-affirming resources or healthcare, making survivors feel trapped and without options for support.
- Gaslighting and manipulation disguised as love and protection, creating confusion about what is healthy and what is abusive.
- Isolation within LGBTQ+ spaces, especially in small or conservative communities where queer teens may already struggle to find belonging.
The reality is that LGBTQ+ teens experience dating violence at alarming rates. A study published by The California Partnership to End Domestic Violence found that 43% of LGBTQIA+ youth reported being victims of physical dating violence, compared to 29% of heterosexual youth (California Partnership to End Domestic Violence, 2024). And yet, despite these numbers, queer survivors are significantly less likely to reach out for help. Fear of being outed, disbelief, or encountering judgment instead of support keeps many silent.
As policies evolve and societal debates intensify, these barriers are only increasing. But recognizing the unique challenges LGBTQ+ teens face in abusive relationships is the first step in breaking the cycle. By fostering inclusive, affirming, and survivor-centered spaces, we can ensure that all teens—no matter their identity—have access to the support and resources they deserve.
Where You Can Turn
Even when it feels like the world is pushing back against us, we keep pushing forward. We keep creating spaces where LGBTQ+ survivors feel seen. We keep fighting for policies that protect all survivors. We keep telling stories that remind each other: We are still here. We are still worthy. We will not be erased.
If you're a queer teen experiencing dating violence, you are not alone. Here are some places that can help:
LGBTQ+ Survivor Resources
- BWJP's Legal Advocacy & Policy Resources – BWJP.org
- The Trevor Project (24/7 crisis support for LGBTQ+ youth) – Text START to 678-678 or call 1-866-488-7386
- LA LGBT Center https://lalgbtcenter.org/
- Love is Respect (Dating violence support) – Text LOVEIS to 22522 or call 1-866-331-9474
- FORGE (Support for transgender and nonbinary survivors) – forge-forward.org
- StrongHearts Native Helpline (LGBTQ+ affirming DV support for Native communities) – 1-844-762-8483
You deserve a love that doesn't hurt. You deserve safety, a future, and the space to be exactly who you are. And no law, no policy, no administration can take that from you.
TAGS: #Children and Teens #Gender Based Violence #LGBTQ+ #News