Part 7: Things I Wish I Knew: Some Notes from a Survivor’s Perspective
Things Survivors Wish You Knew Series
By Patrice Tillery
As we close out this series, we wanted to end with a note directly from a survivor. There are many things we have shared this month about common themes that survivors of gender-based violence express that they wish their loved ones knew. As an intentionally survivor-centered organization, we have decided to end our campaign with the voice of survivors. Survivors are the reason we do this work; their voices and experiences guide everything we do. As the series ends, we hope that you have learned something valuable and were able to share information with your peers, family, and friends to support the survivors in your lives better.
“When I was in the depths of my abusive relationship, my ex would constantly invalidate my experiences. I didn’t know what to do and often didn’t trust my voice. I was afraid to speak up before I was sure I was ready to leave out of shame and fear of judgment. When I finally got the courage to speak up, share my story, and let my voice be heard, my family and friends were incredibly supportive. I felt silly for doubting them in the first place. If I could go back and share some things with myself while I was still in the abusive relationship, here are a few things I would tell myself, things I wish I had known, or at least accepted, all along:
- I wish I knew that if I spoke up, someone would listen.
- I wish I knew how many resources were available to help me.
- I wish I had known that it was more important for my children to have a stable, loving, and healthy environment than to live in a household with both parents.
- I wish I had started journaling earlier. I didn’t realize how many things I blocked out while in survival mode. Journaling and documenting incidents helped me accept the reality of how bad my situation was and that it was time to get out.
- I wish I knew that I would be ok. Yes, getting out was hard. Yes, starting over was hard. But I got through it. And my life is so much better as a result.”*
At BWJP, we understand that to serve survivors of gender-based violence (GBV), we must always center survivors in our approach. We prioritize listening to survivors as an integral part of our mission to promote change within the legal systems, enhancing safety, security, and justice for survivors and their communities. One way our National Legal Center for Children and Domestic Violence did this was by creating this resource about survivor mothers navigating family court.
Encouragement Matters.
Encouragement and positive reinforcement are invaluable. Survivors need their loved ones to provide encouragement and remind them of their strength and resilience during tough times. As we move into a new year and a fresh start in many ways, we encourage you to take this information and share it. You can share our messages via our website or our social media pages. We are on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
*This story has been edited for clarity.
TAGS: #Gender Based Violence #News