Recommended Reading List for Survivors of Domestic Violence

Below are reading recommendations by the author Lundy Bancroft.
Lundy has spent the last thirty years of his career specializing in domestic violence, trauma, and recovery. He has worked as a therapist with abusive men, children exposed to domestic violence and as a custody evaluator. He was co-director of the nation’s first program for abusive men and now is a trainer and consultant working with various state and judicial agencies to improve their response to domestic violence. The books can be found or ordered at your favorite book seller or library.

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry Controlling Men

Lundy Bancroft
This book explores how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, the nature of abusive thinking, the role of drugs and alcohol, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship.

The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics, 1st Edition

Lundy Bancroft & Jay G. Silverman, Sage Publications, Inc.
Takes the reader inside of homes affected by domestic violence, imparting an understanding of the atmosphere that battering men create for the children who live with them. Bancroft and Silverman show how partner abuse affects each relationship in a family and explains how children’s emotional recovery is inextricably linked to the healing and empowerment of their mothers. The authors cover the important but often-overlooked area of the post-separation parenting behaviors of men who batter, including their use of custody litigation as a tool of abuse. Readers also are guided in evaluating change in the parenting of men who batter, assessing risk to children from unsupervised visitation, and supporting the emotional recovery of children. Although the book is written primarily for professionals, its accessible style makes it engaging and useful for abused mothers and anyone else wishing to assist children exposed to battering.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can – and Should – Be Saved

Lundy Bancroft & JAC Patrissi, Penguin Publishing

In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft and JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically assess their relationship.

When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse

Berkley Publishing

Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children’s sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother? Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Here, a counselor reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children-and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.

BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People

Bill Eddy

Most people have a hard time responding to personal attacks in emails, texts and other communication because it puts them in react mode instead of respond mode. The most important thing to remember is: it’s not about you! BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm and can be used by anyone, in any situation but it does take practice. Learn how to write (or speak) using the BIFF Response method to help bring an angry exchange to a quick conclusion, without losing it yourself.

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