National and Community Leaders Convene in Chicago to Launch MOSAIC Initiative
Amidst current challenges, it is more important than ever to embrace new strategies to end gender-based violence. Towards that…
Dignity Denied – Reclaiming Control After Fleeing Domestic Violence
By Avery-Grace Blanco, SAVES National Clearinghouse, National Legal Center on Children and Domestic Violence Project Assistant
Imagine you only have 15 minutes to pack your belongings from your home, and you will never return. What would you take? This is the harsh reality of what’s known as a civil standby, a process many survivors of domestic violence must endure.
During a civil standby, also known as a civil assist, a survivor arrives near or at the home and waits for a police officer to meet them. The officer escorts the survivor into the house, often when the abuser is present, and gives them just 15 minutes to grab whatever they can carry. Can you imagine 15 minutes to pack up your entire life?
The challenges persist after making the decision to leave. Domestic violence is the leading cause of homelessness for women in the United States.1 Leaving an abuser often means leaving behind stability—employment, housing, community—and stepping into uncertainty.
Even emergency shelter isn't guaranteed. According to a 2015 study by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, 44% of survivors who sought emergency shelter were turned away.2 For those who can secure a spot, the struggle doesn’t end at the door.
Many domestic violence shelters and safe houses have strict rules: curfews, bag checks, room inspections, surveillance cameras inside and out. Survivors are required to agree to searches and are limited in what they can bring. These policies are in place for safety—but for someone fleeing an abusive and controlling environment, it can feel like trading one form of control for another.
From the moment survivors arrive at a shelter or safehouse the clock starts ticking. Most shelters and safehouses give survivors just 30 days to find permanent housing. While caseworkers and advocates do everything they can to help, the timeline leaves little room to breathe, process, or heal.
Choosing safety shouldn’t mean losing everything—not your home, your history, or your sense of self. Yet for far too many survivors, the cost of escape is everything they’ve ever known. Survivors deserve more than 15 rushed minutes and 30 borrowed days. They deserve dignity, long-term support, and a chance to rebuild—not just survive, but thrive.
Fleeing abuse isn’t the end of the story. It’s the beginning of a new one. And no one should have to write that chapter alone.
- Hunnicutt, S. (2015 September 14). Domestic Violence can be Anywhere. Iowa City Press-Citizen. https://www.press-citizen.com/story/opinion/contributors/guest-editorials/2015/09/23/domestic-violence-can-anywhere/72615652/ ↩︎
- Ayeni, O.O. (2022, August). Needs Assessment Report: Promising Practices and Interventions to Address Housing Needs of Domestic Violence Survivors. National resource Center on Domestic Violence. https://safehousingpartnerships.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Needs-Assessment-Report-Promising-Practices-and-Interventions-to-Address-the-Housing-Needs-of-Domestic-Violence-Survivors.pdf